There is nothing in Jewish law that says you need a Rabbi to officiate at a funeral, and even if there were, it would not apply outside of the Orthodox world.

The right rabbi can bring comfort as a grounding presence, doing the work of planning the readings and service, and writing an inspiring and uplifting eulogy.

Yes, if there is something you’d like to have just let me know.

However, I won’t ask you to choose. My feeling is that you have enough to worry about and I won’t layer on any additional decisions.

Yes, I officiate funerals after a cremation.

While cremation was forbidden and is discouraged by some rabbis even today, I respect whatever choices you’ve made. I am here to support you in this time of loss. Our tradition is here for us, we are not here for it.

Yes, I officiate funerals on Shabbat.

While our tradition says that one should not hold a funeral on Shabbat, I will support you in your time of need. Our tradition is here for us, we are not here for it. Moreover, the imperative to comfort the mourner is more important than the prohibition against a burial on Shabbat. 

While there is no set limit for a Jewish funeral service, 1-3 is a good rule of thumb.

As the rabbi, I am often the only one who gives a eulogy, and other family members speak at a shiva or luncheon.

It was traditional for a person to be buried within 24 hours as a way of respecting the body and soul, based on teaching in the Torah.

Today most Jewish funerals happen within a few days, to allow family members to travel. From personal experience, I felt better after my mother was buried. The waiting was hard.

As a rabbi, I officiate Jewish funerals throughout the Bay Area, including in San Francisco, the Peninsula, the East Bay, Half Moon Bay and the South Bay. This includes the cities of Palo Alto, San Mateo, Los Altos, Mountain View, Oakland, Berkeley, Fremont, Alameda and Redwood City.

When someone who was an abusive family member dies, especially a parent, the feelings are complicated. People are often filled with grief, not for the person who died but for the person they missed out on. They feel cheated out of a loving parent or sibling.

As a trained grief counselor, I am here to listen as you process those feelings, and can help you come up with a way to say goodbye in a safe way.

If you are asking, the answer is probably yes. A shiva is open to the community, and if you knew the person who died, or know a relative of the deceased, you should go as a way to show your support.

(Normally, I’m not a big “should” guy when it comes to Jewish practices. However, it means so much to people in grief to have people show up. So when in doubt, please please go.)

If the situation is complicated, please send me a message and we’ll talk it through.

A chevra kadisha is a Jewish burial society, that prepares the body for burial. This includes washing and dressing the body. In addition, the chevra kadisha has a member of the community stay with the body overnight.

This practice, called shomer, is becoming more popular in the wider Jewish community and is of great comfort to families who practice it.

An unveiling is a Jewish ceremony to mark the one-year anniversary of someone’s death. It takes place in the cemetery, and the grave marker is uncovered. There are no set customs. It is an opportunity for family and friends to gather and remember their beloved.

The Jewish unveiling ceremony is fairly short, and often includes the reading of psalms, chanting of El Male Rachamim, and the mourners kaddish. A similar ceremony can be used to scatter someone’s ashes.

Shiva is the Hebrew word for seven, and sitting shiva refers to the 7 days after burial. There are a number of practices traditionally observant Jews follow, such as staying home for seven days and covering mirrors. While most Jewish people don’t stay in their house for a week, taking a week off from work to grieve is helpful to many.

Many Jewish people still observe the practice of having a shiva minyan, an evening service on one or more days of the seven days to honor the deceased. Members of the community bring food to the mourners' home; showing up is an important way we can support them.

A shiva minyan offers an opportunity to say the mourners kaddish and provides a less formal setting than the funeral to share memories.

In addition to being a rabbi for funerals or a shiva minyan, I offer one on one grief counselling, and periodically facilitate grief support groups. In addition, I can provide grief education seminars, or help you plan an unveiling ceremony/ritual to commemorate the one-year anniversary of a loved one’s death.

I wish I could give you an answer.

Grief takes a lot longer to resolve than we’d like. The more you can allow yourself to process the grief, the sooner it will integrate into a manageable part of your life.

The good news is that you don’t need to go through this alone. Grief will change over time. If you are feeling stuck, a grief counsellor can help.

Trouble concentrating and loss of sleep are two very common symptoms of grief. It is not unusual to have those symptoms after ten months, even if at six months you were doing ok. Grief changes over time. If you are feeling stuck or alone, a grief counsellor can help.

Some people want grief counselling a month after the loss, others realize they want to talk to someone years later. There is no right or wrong time to engage a grief counsellor.

Yes. I volunteer once a month to facilitate grief groups for parents following a miscarriage, stillbirth, interruption of a wanted pregnancy due to a prenatal diagnosis or maternal health, or infant death in the first year of life.

This issue is very personal to my family. Please send me a message, and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.